They are how I (try) to make sense of the world.
In Song of Myself by Walt Whitman, he writes: "Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes.)" That aptly describes me and this space. You will definitely find contradictions in my ideas and writing since I'm just as lost and curious as you. The phrase 'I don't know' is liberating. Writing, for me, is more about asking questions than it is about answering them. The struggle is where the story lives.
I'm angsty by nature. My husband is constantly telling me to stop taking myself so seriously. When I get too inside my own head, it helps to watch Jimmy Fallon clips. Preferably a show with Jennifer Lawrence or Kristen Wiig as the guest.
I live in Carmel, IN with my little family. I made the mistake of pronouncing Carmel exactly as it's spelled and was told emphatically that it's actually more like this: Carml. Over the last decade or so, we've grown from Cat and Matt to Cat, Matt, Evelyn, Theo and Sophie. You'll likely see a lot of them here. We've lived in Raleigh, Richmond, Baltimore, Vancouver, Chicago, and for a brief while we also melted in Phoenix. Although I've done it a fair amount of times, I still get nervous every time we move house. I get nervous anytime I do anything new or different, or have to interact with real live people. I worry that I won't know what to say.
The name of this blog is inspired by a large, cheap print of a yellow elephant that I bought at Ikea when we lived in Vancouver, BC. I love that print. Mostly because it reminds me of rosemary rock salt bagels and finding a family of seals playing on the docks of the seawall on our walk to preschool and when I started to read again. It reminds me of the place where I walked up Ash Avenue as the snow fell from the grey sky the day before I birthed my third child. It reminds me of the women I met who took me in and loved me and became my friends. It reminds me of water and movement and mountains and mist. It reminds me of a time when I had a really good haircut, of a time and a place where I started to learn about empathy and become myself.